CONTRIBUTED BY JANAE BURGER
“Get a life. Get a job.” I still remember how startling this comment, made by my high school health teacher, was. Seriously, who did he think he was to insinuate that I needed a job to have a life? This comment infuriated me. And now, although I still do not believe you absolutely have to have a job to have a life, I see some wisdom in his ill-spoken advice. Besides the obvious benefits of a paycheck, gaining and utilizing skills, and the routine that comes with a job there is the benefit of working with the same group of people for 5-10 hours a day. People whom, with a little effort, can easily become your friends.
Photo courtesy of http://www.freedigitalphotos.netSome of you might be thinking, “I have a job but I don’t really have friends at my job.” Here are tips:
1. Talk- If you want people to get to know you, you need to talk to them. Start by talking about work related stuff and when you are comfortable with that, move onto other topics. Don’t be afraid to talk about yourself but don’t just talk about yourself.
2. Listen- Do you catch yourself thinking of how you are going to respond before the other person is even done talking? This limits the amount of ‘real listening’ that you are doing. Stay focused on the person and what they are saying until they are finished.
3. Join Groups- volunteer for group projects or to help out with events. Be part of the Christmas party committee. Small group projects create a time to really get to know other people outside of your normal duties. If your office has a sports team or bowling league this is a great way to connect outside of work.
4. Break out of your comfort zone. Take a chance you might not normally take. Chances are you will be pleasantly surprised.
5. Make your own place. There will always be cliques or groups inside any social structure, including work. Don’t let this intimidate you. Make your own place inside of a group or create an open group of your own by socializing and inviting a variety of people to do hang out.
6. Do Lunch. Don’t wait for others to invite you, extend the invitation yourself. Make it a daily or weekly event.
7. Don’t gossip. People tend to steer clear of gossipers.
Most of us are able to make work friends with a little effort and time. Some of us would prefer to keep our work friends separate from our home friends. But when you find someone you really click with, how do you create a friendship beyond work? There are many ways to do this however there is one fundamental element: connect on a personal level outside of work. Joining a sports team, going to the gym together, inviting your friend and their family over for a BBQ or asking for a personal favor (or assisting them with a favor) are a couple of ways you can make a work friendship transition into a friendship outside of work.
For those of you who have found great friends at work, we’d love to hear from you. What is the good, the bad and the ‘to knows’ about work friendships, especially here on Okinawa? And for those of you looking for a job check out Total Okinawa for links to several job sites here on Okinawa.
Hey “I’m not so lonely,” Thanks for the comment. We have had many readers and members of OkinawaHai Society state how lonely it is when they first arrive. I agree with you, no one should have to be lonely. However, upon first arriving on the island, chances are you aren’t going to know anyone (unless you are lucky and have a friend PCS before you). So you do end up talking to strangers to met people. Kudos to you for being able to establish that support network of friends and family already. And thanks for the heads up that some of the “making friends tips” are becoming redundant. Next week we are going to start highlighting some of the groups that people can get out and Mingle with. Until then, let us know what you did when you first got here to make friends.
I love Okinawa Hai and I’ve found it to be a useful source of information in the past. However, does anyone else get the feeling like they’re reading the same articles over and over again lately? I suppose, living on an island, the authors may run out of new material to write about. However, it’s getting to the point where I don’t want to read Okinawa Hai very much because the articles all seem to run together. How many pieces about Thanksgiving or how to make new friends does one site really need? The articles have gone from helpful, useful, or funny to BORING!
I think writing on Okinawa Hai is a very personal experience.
Depending on the life style of the author articles vary in interest for me. Some people like to hang out on base; articles tend to revolve around base.Personally, I do not care about the bowling experience on base or the newest special at Chilli’s Others love off base therefore articles tend be about off base life.
Also, flocks of a feather like to run together. It seems that most authors lately feel the same way therefore most articles seem to run together.
All it takes is another PCS move and a new author comes to the island and all might change. I loved reading Meredith’s articles when I first got here.
I also love the travel and to eat category.
The ones about x-mas and how to make friends I can to without, but other people might like it.
Thanks for all of your honest feedback. As you mentioned, Daniela, there is a lot of transition that we at Okinawa Hai just have to embrace. A PCS here a PCS there and the whole blog is on it’s head. Believe me, we never anticipated what this blog would turn into when we started at it almost three years ago. What we continue to value is being relevant to you all. And sometimes we get it right and other times we don’t.
Please consider joining the feedback group on the forum (http://okinawahai.ning.com/group/feedbackonhai) to share not only your constructive criticism but also tell us what content you want.