She was born and raised in Arizona and grew up near Fort Huachuca Army base. Having spent most of her teenage years being hit on by military guys, she had sworn them off. And then she met Dino (at a bar in Mexico – but she she says he’ll tell a different story) and realized as their friendship developed that unlike a lot of the guys she knew, he didn’t mooch off his parents. He had a real job. He was independent. And... he could dance.
She’d done a lot of the familiar jobs – hostessing at a restaurant, working at Vinnie’s Pizza Parlor, then a movie rental place... but she finally attained the ultimate – cashier at Walmart! Dino would come to Walmart, supposedly to buy gum (Extra), and they’d chat. And one thing led to another... and they got married "on the fly" a year later. Tara says that it never bugged her not to have the big wedding because she’d never wanted to be married and so never had the big wedding dreams.
So what had she dreamed? Evidently not much. She’s not sure why, because many of her friends were honor students with high goals, but she says she just never had any. No goals. No real dreams. She doesn’t remember being taught to do a lot of dreaming. Not many examples in her family of people pursuing what they love. Of going for what they really wanted.
So she had gone to college for a few years, cuz that’s just what you did. But didn’t get far because she had no clue what she wanted to do.
There had been some rough times growing up. Sexual abuse by a family member when she was very young. And the secret held until her teenage years. When the abuse was exposed, she thinks the guilt and sadness her family felt might have affected the way she was pushed or encouraged to get a life. She thinks everyone was mostly just happy she was alive and surviving.
When she married Dino, she landed on a fast track out of Arizona. Within a year they were living in Germany with their first child. It was terrifying, but in hindsight she knows it was the best thing for their marriage because they had to depend on each other. She was soon pregnant again and daughter #2 was born in Germany. She made friends and survived because of the FRG (Family Readiness Group), church and PWOC (Protestant Women of the Chapel).
But there were rough times. She was 20 years old. Married with children. Living thousands of miles from home. She remembers calling and sobbing to her mom one afternoon, “He wants me to clean and cook! This isn’t what I signed up for! I wanna come home.” Her mother responded, “You might want to look around – you are home.”
And so they made it work. And they came to love their time in Europe. They’d get in the car and just drive. Italy, the Czech Republic, Poland... the kids learned to be travelers.
And then came Florida. She was done with kids – she’d lost all the weight and was proud! But, as a warning to all who move between duty stations, her base didn’t carry the same birth control and though she never missed a day, the change was enough. Their third daughter was born in Tampa. But a lot of Dino’s family was in Florida and so she was surrounded by help and support. She learned how to cook Filipino food and was able to stay home with her kids. She even started homeschooling her eldest while in Florida, and it took four years for her to realize this was NOT a good fit for her less than organized personality... but for awhile it was fun.
Next was Korea. They’d decided to even things out so she was pregnant with #4 and their first boy was born in Korea. Since it was their second tour overseas, they weren’t so freaked out about it all. She fell in love with Asia. Made friends through a homeschool group, PWOC, play groups, and a deaf community she found (her step brother is deaf).
Next came Fort Polk, LA. Marriage difficulties that had begun earlier continued. Luckily, she found a great church and some older mentoring women that helped her her pinpoint some of the problems in their relationship and after some counseling, things really began to improve in their relationship.
But it became clear that something else wasn’t right. Luckily a friend at PWOC shared about her own experience with depression. Tara didn’t realize it was something people talked about. So she called the hospital herself and was diagnosed with post-partum depression. The doctor was great and reminded her she’d been pregnant or nursing for nearly ten years. No wonder her body was so out of whack. She began medication immediately and weaned her 18 mo old son and put the older kids back in school. It only took a couple months for her to feel herself again and discontinue the meds.
After her husband spent a year in Iraq, they chose orders back to Asia and had 6 months to get to Okinawa. Even though this was their third overseas tour, Tara was still a bit freaked out. In fact, she wasn’t sleeping much. And then she found us (and the angels begin to sing in the background). Okinawa Hai helped her stay calm and get the information she needed. Her favorite post was about bringing the kitchen sink! Oki Hai and Tylenol PM worked wonders for her beauty rest!
Her husband is in a greater leadership role here and so she has become much more involved in unit activities. This fits her to a T because she has a real heart for enlisted wives. She’s always felt there wasn’t as much mentorship available and so she’s excited to be a part of that.
The FRG here was already amazing and made volunteering fun and contagious. She’s also gotten involved with the ACS (Army Community Services) teaching classes and volunteering at her kids’ school. Because the army is a relatively small group here, she has felt much more Gungho Army than ever before – she’s even got an Army sticker (next to her Oki Hai sticker) on her car!
I asked for advice to newbies of overseas postings: She believes that when you start helping other people, you can’t feel sorry for yourself anymore. If you are giving back, it’s not about you anymore. And that helps a lot.
Which brings us to her new role with Okinawa Hai. She woke up one day and realized that she’d benefitted so much from the blog, but hadn’t given much back. She wanted to be there for the newbies, just as others had been there for her.
Those of you who hang out in the forum may have already met Tara there... but if not, let me officially introduce you to our new forum helper! You’ll find an icon on the top of the main Now Serving Okinawa page that looks an awful lot like Tara. If you are having difficulty finding the information you need, figuring out the way the website works, or just wanna chat, please click and message Tara. She’ll be around every day or so to check in and answer your comments.
So does she dream now? Yes. But definitely not about having any more kids. She’s planning to start college classes in the fall, possibly to pursue a Social Work degree. She really wants to mentor and encourage people to dream and to reach for future goals. To help them get on the right track for the kind of lives they deserve. Dream big.
YAY, I get to be the first to comment on this vivacious neighbor of mine. Great post and I think I even learned something new about her…who knew you you were hooked on Tylenol PM, hee hee! I especially like the first pic of you and “Deen”, you guys are such a fab couple. I hope you continue on with much success in the FRG and with ACS, THEY NEED YOU!! Have a blast, but always remember…make time for yourself (something we avid volunteers sometimes forget). Thanks for sharing a lil bit about our girl T!!
Great story and beautiful family!
Tara, you were my fun loving friend. Now you’re my hero! *HUG*
loved you since day 1, you nut. i learned a lot about you here – great post
thank you for sharing it all…. you’re one of a kind.
What a very honest and inspiring story for others. Thank you Tara for sharing this with others and offering your help. What a special place this world is with people like you.
My husband is also in the Army and I am wanting to become an active member of the FRG as well. But as I’m reading the post, I notice there was also this thing called Army Community Service…what is that and how can I get involoved? Thanks! Lizz
Lizz, send me a message and I will get you the info on ACS.
For all others thanks for your comments you guys are all awesome.